subreddit:

/r/AskMen

3.6k

This is mainly directed towards men who are middle-aged and older. It's very common to hear people in these age groups talk about how bad it is to get older. The physical aging is obviously a con - is that the main issue? Or are there other, less obvious things that make it difficult?

all 1037 comments

Octopus_420

4.4k points

1 month ago

Octopus_420

4.4k points

1 month ago

People you know die more often.

830_L

2.2k points

1 month ago

830_L

2.2k points

1 month ago

Beyond that. People in your life age and their bodies begin to fail. People like your parents and grandparents who you assumed would always be around when you were a kid.

I remember the day I realized my parents would die. I'd always known it in an abstract sense but the real meaning of it didn't hit me until I was 19. I sobbed for about an hour.

It hit me again this summer when my 68 year old dad told me he'd saved a few things for me to help him with when I visited because it was too hard on him. It was mostly stuff that involved repeated trips up and down the stairs, which is hard on his knees. There were a few other things that involved heavy lifting, as well. He's been gray for awhile but that was the first time I noticed a physical limitation like that. It made me realize I have likely spent more years with my parents than I have left with them at this point.

Definitely makes me more patient with them and makes me respond to every message and call, even when I don't want to. I need to make the most of every visit and interaction we have.

AKA_Studly

860 points

1 month ago

AKA_Studly

860 points

1 month ago

This one hits home. I'm 32, my father is now 60. I bought the neighboring house a half mile down the road from him. So its always been easy to jump on the 4 wheeler and run down when he calls to get help with something.. It wasn't until fairly recently i had noticed how much hes grayed and the physical limitations he sets for himself now. Its insane how quickly the time goes and before you know it I will be the man needing help.

Honestly, it hit me pretty hard and made me sad thinking that before I know it I will be saying goodbye to the man I idolize the most one final time.

letterbeepiece

463 points

1 month ago

the man I idolize the most

tell him.

Tasteslikeweed

229 points

1 month ago

This. Please tell him now.

AKA_Studly

50 points

1 month ago

Definitely going to. Thank you!

tuck229

98 points

1 month ago

tuck229

98 points

1 month ago

This. As a dad of kids in their 20s, there is a degree of self doubt or even parental guilt you carry. You wonder if you did the best you could, if you fell short, if you totally fucked anything up for them. I think I did a good job, but I also don't think I was ever fully the dad I really hoped to be. Your dad would really appreciate hearing how you feel about him.

AKA_Studly

55 points

1 month ago

After reading this comment, I got that 'stinging' feeling in my nose... We have a great relationship and are very close, we talk daily and always help each other. We've never been good with feelings thing, but I have noticed that he's been trying to break the mold of the stereotypical tough guy and trying to convey appreciation and telling me the simple things like he's proud of me and stuff.

This comment got me right in the feels, I am going to do a better job of showing my appreciation for everything he has done for me and reassuring him he did an amazing job as a parent.

Seriously, thank you for this.

midn1te

13 points

1 month ago

midn1te

13 points

1 month ago

You did do a good job.

MR_zai

62 points

1 month ago

MR_zai

62 points

1 month ago

Not my biological father, but the relationship is pretty close, with some ups and downs, but I'm guessing it is the usual stuff. Anyway, I work until 10pm and when I arrive home (yeah, living with my parents, rough times) he is usually sleeping already.

His last birthday hit me like a truck. He's 76, had a stroke that nearly killed him a few years ago (partially the reason why I moved with them again), and his health is decaying. It is not very noticeable, but the signs are there. And while Im having a shower, or eating alone before going to bed with him snoring as white noise, can't help but wonder what will I do when the snoring stops and we're left all alone. Can't think about it without tears coming to my eyes.

shizzmynizz

109 points

1 month ago

I'm 32

Same age! For me and my father. We are not that old yet! ... I think

Greenmooseleg

109 points

1 month ago

Your dad has tons of life left! My dad just hit 75 and still works 40 hours a week at a marina and I can’t keep up at 33. Lol

Methadras

66 points

1 month ago

Yeah, my dad is 85. Still works. I know I'll get the phone call one day that he passed away underneath one of his favorite cars.

barelybent

36 points

1 month ago

Same. My dad is 78 and seems to have boundless energy. I’m 49 and exercise daily and he still runs rings around me. He works five days a week in the business he owns. Not because he has to but because he loves it.

Nohivoa

16 points

1 month ago

Nohivoa

16 points

1 month ago

This hits me in the feels because my dad is 61 and I'm 19...

Tog_the_destroyer

16 points

1 month ago

I know how you feel. I’m 26, my dad is 67 turning 68 this month. My mom just died so I’m now hyper aware of it all for him. Difficulty moving here and there. I’ve definitely shouldered carrying anything heavy for him and help him where I can. It’s so sobering

gyeezus

9 points

1 month ago

gyeezus

9 points

1 month ago

As a 23 year old, most of my sleepless nights come from anxiety that my parents won’t be here forever. My parents separated when I was 12, and were able to move back in together and work things out when I was 17. For those 5 years, I had to share a bed with my mom, and overall just lose part of my teenage years (friends wouldn’t be able to come over and just hang out in my room, never had space to just be alone, my whole life was in 10 square feet of a dresser). When they got back together, that was the happiest and complete that my heart and family ever were. After 6 years of living together again, I moved in with my girlfriend, and at least once a week, I have a reoccurring dream that my parents just disappear and I feel so lost the entire day. Sometimes it happens multiple days in a row and it just takes a toll on my body and my mind.

Cucharamama

8 points

1 month ago

You sound like an amazing son! ❤️

Eevee_McSqueebie

5 points

1 month ago

My dad died on the 13th. Appreciate every second you have with him like it’s the last.

This thread made me extremely happy.

bagOfBatz

79 points

1 month ago

Two summers ago I was helping my Dad paint an outside wall with a brand called Ronseal, that states it lasts 25 or 30 years for this particular paint and he quipped the next time I'd be doing it alone. He'll either be far far too old or dead. That made his mortality real to me and no longer a concept. Was a weird day for me ( and an offhand comment he doesn't remember at all!)

omozzy

25 points

1 month ago

omozzy

25 points

1 month ago

My Dad says this kind of stuff all the time, so casually. He always has, even when I was young and he was in his 40s. Those sorts of things get seared into your brain. It used to bother me a little bit, but now I'm somewhat... grateful? Its helpful to be reminded that our time together is helplessly limited. Certainly better than the alternative of just never mentioning anything death-related and therefore missing out on so many important opportunities to reflect on the dwindling time we have left together. I also think it will one day help in my mourning process when he does go... because I do some mourning everytime he makes such a comment. I think he does it with all the best intentions. But I also think sometimes they are just thinking out loud, and its important for us to know that these are the things that casually run through our elderly parents' minds.

Dominum_Pullum

108 points

1 month ago

I helped my dad install a window this weekend. For the first time I noticed how much stronger I am than him.

poetic-cheese

27 points

1 month ago

But unless they're really old those old guys usually have endurance for days!

redrumWinsNational

43 points

1 month ago

14 to 18 seems to take forever, the 10 years from 25 to 35 goes faster and the 15 years from 35 to 50 is like, I can't believe it I am 51 and nearly 70

Dire88

7 points

1 month ago

Dire88

Male

7 points

1 month ago

As you get older, every year is a smaller percentage of your life. Same time but seems to go faster.

Toesmasher

53 points

1 month ago

It hit me again this summer when my 68 year old dad told me he'd saved a few things for me to help him with when I visited because it was too hard on him.

I lost my 68 year old dad a few weeks ago. A man who always seemed indestructible to me. Whatever the hell you do, if you appreciate your dad, make sure he knows it. I'm not sure I did as this came straight out of the blue.

Methadras

6 points

1 month ago

Jesus man. So sorry to hear that.

mosselyn

12 points

1 month ago

mosselyn

Female

12 points

1 month ago

That's about the age my dad was, too, when I realized I'd better make some changes to the "daddy-do" list I saved for him when my parents visited every year. Projects kept him from going stir crazy at my house, and he liked to help, but I realized around 68 that a lot of home projects had gotten beyond him, physically, whether he admitted it or not.

Liljoker30

4 points

1 month ago

Im lucky in the fact that my dad is still very active and healthy at 70yo but I have definitely noticed things get more difficult for him the past few years. He did have a small heart attack a few years ago where he had a stint put in and the blood thinners have caused noticeable changes. He works out 5 days a week doing aerobics, weight lifting and yoga. But if he gets a cut or hits his arm on something the time to heal is significantly longer now. He's always played baseball as long as I've known him and he told me that this next year was possibly his last full season. This past year my last grandparent passed away as well. I guess I understand more why people have midlife crisis now. When the strong people in your life are no longer strong and I wake up a little more sore or who knows what its scary. Its definitely changed my outlook especially with having a child of my own now that being healthy is very important. I don't want to be the person that is 50 and I look like I'm 80 and can't do anything.

LetMeGobbleUpYourAss

19 points

1 month ago

It made me realize I have likely spent more years with my parents than I have left with them at this point.

this is the part that kills me more than anything else. my story with those two is likely more than half over, i could be in the final stretch without even knowing it

Karacmore

5 points

1 month ago

Listen to this person, all of you.

Every weekend if I get the chance to just go out with my parents and do something as minimal as food shopping I take the opportunity. I had the similar realization that one day they will be gone and it also made me very upset, that is to say I also recommend living in the moment and appreciating their presence as well. This applys to anyone you care about.

One day you realize grandma and grandma aren't 50 or 60 anymore, your favorite aunts and uncles have grey hairs, and so on.

Sorry if this comes off as doom and gloom but just take away from the advice, spend time with the people you love, OH and take a ton of pictures, even if they're stupid pictures.

owdbr549

155 points

1 month ago

owdbr549

155 points

1 month ago

My grandmother lived to over 100. She said though it was obviously a good thing, everyone she’d ever known growing up was gone. She had no contemporaries.

lotsoluck

75 points

1 month ago

lotsoluck

Male

75 points

1 month ago

Worst thing about centenarians is they usually live long enough to see their own kids die, sometimes even the grandkids. Maybe dying at the ripe old age of 80 isn't such a bad thing.

uselessbynature

51 points

1 month ago

Yup. My 94 yr old neighbor is watching her 72 yr old son die of cancer. It’s heartbreaking.

78 seems to be a good age. That’s what I’m aiming for no more no less.

[deleted]

36 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

36 points

1 month ago

More than once?!

driverman42

1k points

1 month ago*

Soon to be 73 here. The worst? Not being able to do the physical things I did when I was younger. Getting tired easier, sooner. Watching your friends, family die. I'm very fortunate to be healthy enough to work, travel, and not fear a visit to the doctor.
When I was 20, I thought 40 was old, when I was 40, I thought 60 was old. When I passed 60, I figured every day I wake up, get out of bed and know who I am and where I am, is a bonus day. Lol I don't worry about dying as much as I did when I was young. But I do worry about my "quality of life" as I grow older.
I've had a good life, good wife (married 50 years), good career.

"And now the days are short, I'm in the autumn of my years, and I now think of my life as vintage wine, from fine old kegs, from the brim to dregs, it pours sweet and clear, it was a very good year". Frank Sinatra-1965

velocray

252 points

1 month ago

velocray

252 points

1 month ago

Right before my grandfather went in for a surgery, I was driving him around running errands with him, which unfortunately turned out to be the last time I talked to him alive. He told me two things that really struck me:

  1. "If I'da known I'd live to be this old, I'da taken better care of myself." and
  2. "The hardest thing about getting old is still having the mind and spirit of a 20 year old but a body that just doesn't wanna keep up."

Your comment reminded me of that second point.

Cheers, and I wish you many more, happy years.

Flablessguy

71 points

1 month ago

My grandpa said something very similar to 2. “I’m still the same 18 year old I’ve always been. But when I look in the mirror, there’s some old guy staring back at me.”

driverman42

71 points

1 month ago

2 is right on the mark. Thank you

InfernoFlameBlast

2.6k points

1 month ago

As a kid, if you climb a tree and fall out, you get up like nothing happened. Tumbles, bumps, falls are all nothing to you

As an adult, if you sleep weird, your back aches for the rest of the day

Testiculese

901 points

1 month ago

Because you weigh less. I had to explain that to two 10yo's that were leaping from the couch to the chair and such, and asking me to do so. Heh. They weighed what, 50lbs? I weighed 190. I'd go through the couch. Which of course was hysterical to two 10 year olds.

Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog

395 points

1 month ago

That's for young kids but hell 6'6 me at 17 could take a lot more punishment than 25 year old me already.

kelrunner

416 points

1 month ago

kelrunner

416 points

1 month ago

i'm 82. Never felt I was declining until somewhere around 50. Still running marathons. Now I still run, but... I could run 10 mi in under an hour. Now I can no farther than 2 to 3 miles and that takes closer to an hour. Everything in my life is like that. Glad to be alive but I"d love to be your 25 and suffer your "old age".

OWENISAGANGSTER

274 points

1 month ago

82 on Reddit blows me away. That’s so awesome.

karen785

108 points

1 month ago

karen785

108 points

1 month ago

You are better than 99% of people your age tho

illusum

22 points

1 month ago

illusum

Male

22 points

1 month ago

Probably better than 99% of people my age.

Ear-hustlin85

44 points

1 month ago

Godspeed to you sir keep pushing.

Joofah

42 points

1 month ago

Joofah

42 points

1 month ago

82 and on Reddit. Bless you. My grandfather is about your age and I'm sure I'd have a right laugh with him if he was on it as well.

phoosphine

24 points

1 month ago

I actually scrolled through your comments to check cuz I was pretty sure I'm posting it on r/quityourbullshit. Mission failed. This man is legit 82. Hats off!

Azleron

13 points

1 month ago

Azleron

13 points

1 month ago

10 miles in under an hour is incredible even at peak performance. I’m 19 and while I’m not a competitive runner, my fitness is pretty solid. I can do MAYBE 7 in an hour. An hour straight at a six-minute mile pace is amazing.

tmotom

140 points

1 month ago

tmotom

Male

140 points

1 month ago

kids and teenagers are made of rubber and magic

lotsoluck

54 points

1 month ago

lotsoluck

Male

54 points

1 month ago

Man I miss being invincible. Doing stupid stuff hurts too much now, I actually have to think before I leap.

PM_ME_TOIT_NUPS

19 points

1 month ago

I haven't learned to think before I leap yet 🤦🏼‍♂️ I'm 26 and still think I'm invincible until -oofwhatthefuckshoulder-

Nuraz_6

93 points

1 month ago

Nuraz_6

93 points

1 month ago

your cells don't regenerate as quickly as they do when your are in a growing state. weight does play a factor but not that big.

Testiculese

67 points

1 month ago

Cells don't regenerate seconds after falling out of a tree. That's just physics.

Refute-Quo

30 points

1 month ago

I imagine human cell regeneration falls more so under biology than physics. Could be wrong though.

Rossington134

17 points

1 month ago

I think he worded it poorly and meant falling out of a tree is physics, but you are right that cell regeneration is biology.

mOom-moOm

6 points

1 month ago

I’m no scientist but I’m pretty sure I heard of this guy called Wolverine that would disprove your understanding of physics

Kosmological

10 points

1 month ago

Weight is a big factor. Weight increases cubicly with size/volume but the strength of your bones and muscles do not. As a proportion of your body size, your body is much more weak and frail than a child’s body. This is why children can fall and quite literally bounce off pavement and be fine where an adult would end up in the ICU from the same fall.

signheretoaccept

12 points

1 month ago

I laughed out so loud when you said “I’d go through the couch” shit had me giggling on loo.

[deleted]

88 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

88 points

1 month ago

2 weeks ago I decided to scamper over a 4 foot fence. I fractured my fibula in 2 places. I am 39 and not overweight.

SuperShaggySandwich

24 points

1 month ago

Was the fence at the edge of a cliff of something?

ThursdayBash

16 points

1 month ago

It's not uncommon for an older person to fracture out break a bone simply from falling over. Your body gets brittle as you age, particularly if you are not in good health.

[deleted]

28 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

28 points

1 month ago

Thanks for calling me an “older person”. Oof

MauPow

37 points

1 month ago

MauPow

37 points

1 month ago

I fell asleep in my recliner on Saturday night. My shoulder is still fucked on Monday.

tf46

61 points

1 month ago

tf46

61 points

1 month ago

I'm pretty active, my job involves lots of walking so I'm not overweight but I'm 50 soon to be 51. I've slipped twice in the last year, 1st time down a 2 ft slope outside my house carrying logs inside for the burner. The parts of me I hit (ribs on the kerb at the top of slope and my shoulder against my car) when I fell ached for a fortnight.

Then I slipped on black ice whilst doing my job, my feet went up in the air and I landed on my backside and elbow. I can still feel my elbow hurt 3 weeks later.

God knows what I'll be like if I came off my motorbike 🙈

Grasshop

16 points

1 month ago*

Also just being more afraid and less risk averse.

I'm 31 and went skiing the other day with my gf's 13 and 14 year old daughters. They were flying down the mountains like nothing and I remembered going skiing at their age doing the same, never thinking I could get hurt.

This time, if I started gaining a bit of speed and losing a bit of control I immediately pictured my two legs going in opposite directions and my knees exploding. I was also getting a little afraid of heights and falling while sitting on the chair lift lol.

onelittleworld

2.9k points

1 month ago

Hi. At 58, I might be one of the older people here in this thread. And I'm here to tell you, getting older isn't really that awful.

Yes, little aches and pains become the rule and not the exception. And it takes longer to recover from injuries and illness. And yes, the heart is often willing while the flesh is... challenged. And you can't sleep through the night without getting up to pee, at least once.

But so what?

When I was younger, I didn't know wtf I was doing half the time. And I didn't have the money to do it right, anyway. And since I often took my youth and health for granted, I exercised less and ate a lot of shitty food. I took foolish risks for little reward, and squandered dozens of golden opportunities because I didn't realize what was at stake. And I wasted countless days, weeks, months and years on relationships that just didn't fit.

You want my advice? At any age, and in any circumstances, life is what you make it. Nothing more or less. So carpe the fuck out of this diem and make it happen, Cap'n. Nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal... your time is now.

yistisyonty[S]

584 points

1 month ago

Damn, this motivated the hell out of me. Should probably get off reddit

MonsterJuiced

275 points

1 month ago

Should probably get off reddit

And then realize you cant hang out with friends and everything is closed, Over a fucking year now

mynameisalso

76 points

1 month ago

Dude fucking tell me about it I lost a ton of weight got abs and for the first time in my life want to go to a beach. But I look out and see snow and face masks.

itsOtso

36 points

1 month ago

itsOtso

Male

36 points

1 month ago

Keep it up for 6 months so you can have abs and face masks

SOVEREIGNBOSS

14 points

1 month ago

Lol

Merlin560

74 points

1 month ago

60 here.

Getting out of bed in the morning you would think I am the fucking Tin Man before the oil can.

Once I get moving its fine. But you just sit there and say, "What the fuck!"

My advice is keep moving. Keep exercising. I walk 4 miles a day. My dad would never walk for the sake of walking--"I walked enough in Korea."

I go to the gym and do moderate work on the machines.

I have had two college classmates drop dead in the last four months. Scared the shit out of me.

Keep moving.

onelittleworld

18 points

1 month ago

I walk 4 miles a day.

As do I! Seriously, every single day... and 6 or 7 on a Saturday. All at about 4mph. I have a long story about why I do this, and it’s not really “fitness”. Maybe later, I’m cleaning up dinner now.

GoGoCrumbly

60 points

1 month ago

Yes, little aches and pains become the rule and not the exception. And it takes longer to recover from injuries and illness. And yes, the heart is often willing while the flesh is... challenged.

56 and I concur. I can still do most of the same Feats of Strength in athletics, gardening, and yard projects, but not for as long, and recovery is days, not hours.

Ache all the goddamn time whether I've done anything or not. Paying the body's bills from decades ago.

1canmove1

36 points

1 month ago

Can I have your permission to repost this comment in r/GetMotivated ? I hardly see things posted there that are actually motivating and not just the Reddit equivalent of Live, Laugh, Love.

onelittleworld

14 points

1 month ago

Sure, go ahead. I don't mind.

-WhiteOleander

21 points

1 month ago

I asked my dad who is in his early 70s the other day what age would he like to go back to and he said 58!

JayTheFordMan

22 points

1 month ago

Am 50, totally agree

uncleoce

5 points

1 month ago

Such healthy advice. :)

Micahnotthatonebutme

215 points

1 month ago

Living through shit and having children in their 20s not believe you.

830_L

63 points

1 month ago

830_L

63 points

1 month ago

I mean if those kids are anything like I was, they already know everything, mom is just being a worry wart, and nothing bad will ever happen to them. /s

I don't know how my parents didn't scream. Maybe they did!

etheridgejamie

759 points

1 month ago

physical - have to take care of your body more. it takes longer to heal. losing weight takes more time. sex drive - its been mentioned.

but lets go beyond the physical - at some point, you start asking yourself - am I living the life I want to be living? Am I moving in the right direction? Did I invest enough time doing important things or wasting them on urgent but not important things?

I see older friends and family and wonder- do we get complacent? I think always having goals, always seeking to improve...

and family. if that's what you want. did you build a family? did you invest enough love and energy in your family?

yistisyonty[S]

173 points

1 month ago

This is interesting and raised things I wouldn't have thought of.

I'm already constantly questioning the "am I living the life I want to be living" thing at 25 - probably only going to get worse though

etheridgejamie

51 points

1 month ago

i've been listening lately to the Tim Ferris podcast where he's always talking about these things. its not something to worry about but something to consider and think about. i think if we only live life not thinking where we want to go - and just let the wind take us, we could end up very far from where we wanted to be.

Teo_2197

23 points

1 month ago

Teo_2197

23 points

1 month ago

we could end up very far from where we wanted to be.

This isn't necessarily a good thing is it?

whipstickagopop

20 points

1 month ago

I believe it is implied that it is not a good thing.

MaterialCarrot

17 points

1 month ago

Good summation of the mental aspect. Lots of gnawing feelings of whether I'm doing enough, made the right choices, etc...

Stupid too, because a lot of things I think about like that are impossible to change.

DyJoGu

25 points

1 month ago

DyJoGu

Male

25 points

1 month ago

Is that not how it always was? I mean, in my generation(I’m 24) it’s pretty normal for me and my friends to have these thoughts on the regular. I’ve heard of the quarter-life crisis becoming a thing and I agree. I hear some old people talk about their twenties and it just makes me jealous, sounded a LOT let stressful back then. Being 20 something kind of fucking sucks now.

omozzy

25 points

1 month ago

omozzy

25 points

1 month ago

They say 20s are the new 30s now, and 30s are the new 20s. I see a lot more folks in their 30s cutting loose and enjoying life nowadays than I do people in their 20s. Seems like there is just a lot of pressure and focus in the 20s to set things up so you have a good life ahead of you, and then if you do that right you get to enjoy life in your 30s. I think in previous generations, it wasnt really as difficult to set yourself up for a good future. College, and even technical programs, werent required in very many jobs. People were a lot more willing to hire younger folks with little to no experience and teach them everything they need to know to have a good, stable career. So all you had to do was go and work your job, knowing you'd advance naturally over time, and then get off work and enjoy a few beers with buddies or whatever. Houses were cheaper, so a few years into your career you could buy a house and take further solace in that stability. These days, everything is a rat race. You gotta work a shit job while you go to school and awhile after. If you want to enter certain career fields, then you have to intern for free for a year or two. But most places wont even give folks that much of an opportunity - its "must have experience" for min wage jobs. Then once you've broke into your career field, you gotta switch jobs every few years because its exceedingly rare for companies to offer upward mobility to their staff. And then you start thinking about a house but the market is too competitive, houses cost too much, and your credit it shit from trying to survive years of providing the nearly-free labor necessary for you to make any advancement in your career. This is the reason I believe this new generation will decide that allllll that effort is much better spent on dismantling the system rather than trying to survive it.

Mrfrodo1010

9 points

1 month ago

Oh it's a thing, I'm 25 and have had it, also gen z (those 20 yos you mentioned) are apparently the most lonely, depressed and anxious generation yet (Google it). So yeah feels bad.

Merlin560

8 points

1 month ago

I went through all that shit. It is nice to be old enough to not care, and have enough money to do what I want while I can.

Honestly, it all sucks. 20s sucks because you are broke and no one thinks you know anything. (You do.)

30's sucks because you have kids ruling your life.

40's suck because you are probably maxing out at work.

50's suck because your dick occasionally takes the day off. And you put on 5 pounds just looking at a cake.

60's sucks because serious stuff starts breaking.

It can ALL suck if you have a mindset that it is going to suck. You can choose to allow that to get the best of you--or you can take it on and do the work. And do the playing. You guys are too fucking wrapped up in everything that is wrong (at least that is how it sounds on Reddit.)

You are going to get to the age when you are sitting in a situation, you look around and you think, "It is never going to be better than this. This is fucking great." Start looking for that now. Its all around you. Recognize those moments--and then work to make them happen.

I had one the other day with my granddaughter. I am glad I was "there" in the moment. I am glad that I saw it. It will be the thing that makes me smile when I am 98 and demented and the nurse is wondering what I smiling about.

[deleted]

733 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

733 points

1 month ago

Worst thing to me, about 45, is how I've continued to be an active runner and cyclist, stayed in great shape, kept the weight off, even slimmed more slowly over the years. Yet, when it comes to doing manual tasks like home repairs, every single part of my body aches the next day. Again, I lift weights 2-3 times per week, ride a road bicycle a couple times a week, run a couple times per week. But I spent 8 hours doing outdoor home repairs yesterday, like siding replacement, and I can't stand up today.

cheekabowwow

493 points

1 month ago

You don't hammer a nail by cycling around the block. What you need is an exercise routine that mimics all the manual labor around the house. The 5k lawn mow, hedge trimmer squats, ladder climbs, and getting slapped repeatedly by tree branches is a good routine to get started on.

A_Fluffy_Duckling

90 points

1 month ago

That might mitigate it somewhat but the point is that you didnt need that specialised manual labour-like routine ten years ago. And you still feel it the next day anyway, kneeling is harder on the knees as in the ground is made of marbles now and it's lower than it used to be when you're doing the squats. The lower back hates the hedge trimming the next day. And you toss and turn at night trying to get comfortable in bed...

Another one; your skin starts to tear like tissue paper when you get slapped by a tree - what once would have been a red scratch or roughen skin becomes a tear or cut. I'm only 52yo but I've notice the skin-thing this year. I also ache more after exercise and am stiffer.

cheesymoonshadow

34 points

1 month ago

And you toss and turn at night trying to get comfortable in bed...

Splurging on a good mattress is money well spent.

Throw13579

14 points

1 month ago

Never buy cheap mattresses or shoes.

Cefus

24 points

1 month ago

Cefus

24 points

1 month ago

The "getting slapped repeatedly by tree branches" made me laugh out loud. That is a hard aspect to train up, I can relate.

harpejjist

7 points

1 month ago

Dadercise. You need to develop and market this asap!

threecee509

41 points

1 month ago

As an active mid-40s dude I couldn’t agree more. I stretch daily, workout every other day and stay active on the weekends with rec sports or hiking. The most random tasks will tweak my back or muscles though.

My biggest lesson after turning 40 was to take more time off to recover. I don’t undertake anything new or active without factoring in my energy budget. If I need to be alert and on point for an early Monday meeting, I better not overdue it on Sunday.

greenmtnfiddler

17 points

1 month ago

Stretching. Hate to say it, but yoga.

vaginal_sores

15 points

1 month ago

This. As someone who "only" did weighlifting, cycling, martial arts, and running for years, I only recently started yoga, and it's been everything for my general wellbeing compared to all the others. I always poo poo'd it, but I'm a convert.

MrJrCheeseburger

22 points

1 month ago

Maybe you have to stretch more or invest in a deep tissue massage once a month

jbaird

18 points

1 month ago

jbaird

18 points

1 month ago

Ha yeah I did maybe 15-20min of work putting some nails into flashing that involved me hammering upside down and had weird pain in my arm for 3 weeks

god damn it body

[deleted]

14 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

14 points

1 month ago

Haha for real! Hats off to the men and women that do this for a living. It requires a special skill set that some of us desk jockeys just DO NOT have!

BioluminescentBidet

12 points

1 month ago

it’s because you’re using different muscle groups differently to how you do when working out. when i started as a mechanic i was the same for about 6 months but over time you just get used to it.

MeatloafArmy

137 points

1 month ago

It's more difficult to find really good friends, especially when you've lost some of your oldest friends to disease, alcoholism, accidents, or just moving away and lost touch. I really don't have much problem finding 'friends of convenience', ie. work friends, bar friends, neighborhood friends, etc., but I just don't click with them (or vise versa) outside of those situations.

ThisIsHardWork

23 points

1 month ago

The biggest lose for me due to age is that I can no longer play the same sports and do the same hobbies. These teams and activities is where I derived most of my friends. Now that I am done playing I struggle to maintain those relationships.

ArboroUrsus

376 points

1 month ago

It's harder to lose weight.

Your sex drive goes down.

Aches and pains last for days.

Your tolerance for other people's bullshit goes through the floor and that makes working with people tricky sometimes.

schlongtheta

163 points

1 month ago

schlongtheta

Male, 40

163 points

1 month ago

Your sex drive goes down.

"The drive never diminishes. The performance, on the other hand." - unknown

woops69

39 points

1 month ago

woops69

39 points

1 month ago

Well if you’re using the other hand then I’d expect performance to go down.

ekafka

12 points

1 month ago

ekafka

12 points

1 month ago

I better start balancing

yistisyonty[S]

19 points

1 month ago

Have you noticed any change in the way others act around you?

ArboroUrsus

37 points

1 month ago

Not really, I'm just a 36 year old kid anyway. People seem surprised that I don't have children or a driving licence but that's it.

I feel like you have some some specific examples in mind though.

yistisyonty[S]

18 points

1 month ago

I don't really have specific examples, I'm just trying to work out how bad aging is. You're still relatively young at 36 though

ApneaAddict

27 points

1 month ago

It's the old cliche - aging is a mindset. It'll be as bad as you make it. Stay in shape, eat well, exercise and keep moving. The majority, as they age, sit around and become slugs and complain about how poorly they feel. I'm 43, in great shape (probably the best shape I've ever been in) and have hardly slowed down.

Joe12608

7 points

1 month ago

I'm about to turn 65 and have been in the same business for 45 of those so there is the nice benefit of others accepting your ideas as gospel which is kind of nice. Now, if I was 80 would that still be so? Maybe not.

[deleted]

32 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

32 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

ARottingBastard

102 points

1 month ago

Having the knowledge and wisdom to know where you fucked up before, then making the same mistake because you didn't get learnt well enough last time. The third time it happens just feels like you are abusing yourself.

Also, all the old injuries, from being a teen on, act up regularly.

DocHickory

45 points

1 month ago

Aging is a bell shaped curve. From birth you are rising, growing, learning until you hit your prime point. Not everything descends at the same time, at the same rate. But, it does descend. I was at my absolute physical peak at 28. Mentally, I was stable until about 60. I'm 67 now, I can't do what I once could. I can't remember shit, especially names. I still make plans like I'm 40- and find that needs some serious revision. I can still produce some good work, but getting started on the project gets harder and harder. You realize that your options become fewer and fewer. It's tough accepting your new reality. You have to come to terms with it or the frustration will eat you alive. Life is a roller coaster- you climb that big ass hill, peak, start the descent (which goes ever faster), until that inevitable crash at the bottom. Every book finishes the same way- THE END. So what, it's the only game in town, and what a fuckin' ride!

Shankson

129 points

1 month ago

Shankson

129 points

1 month ago

I’m turning 50 this year, and at this point, I don’t really have any issues being older. I’m healthy. I take care of my body. I work out regularly. I have a fairly physical job. There are a lot of men like me in the world just as there are some that are in a lot worse physical condition for a variety of reasons.

yistisyonty[S]

38 points

1 month ago

This is reassuring that you can negate some of the physical stuff by looking after yourself

Shankson

65 points

1 month ago

Shankson

65 points

1 month ago

I guess I'm in a minority by looking at some of the other comments. It's not hard for me to lose weight. My sex drive hasn't decreased. I don't have any aches and pains. My tolerance for bullshit has always been low, so again, people already know that about me.

I would say the one thing you need to pay attention to is time. Simply time. Dedicate your time to things you want. People may call you selfish along the way, and that may well be true. Don't do everything people want you to do unless it coincides with something you want to do. Learn how to say no. If you can master all of that now, when you get to my age, you'll have lived your life more for you than what other people wanted you to do.

OffusMax

28 points

1 month ago

OffusMax

28 points

1 month ago

How your body handles aging is deeply affected by diet and exercise, but there’s also a genetic part to it.

I’m 60 so I have memories that go further back than some on Reddit but I always remember Dick Clark. He was a TV personality who started in the 50s hosting American Bandstand on TV. Decades later he hardly looked any older. There were jokes about him being a vampire because he looked so young.

I’ve also seen a post on relationship advice from a young lady worried about her mom aging because the mom was in her late 50s but was visibly aging rapidly. It’s the luck of the genetic draw in this case.

Testiculese

20 points

1 month ago

Childbirth wrecks many, many women. Those pesky kids in the womb can suck the calcium from their teeth!

OffusMax

7 points

1 month ago

Yeah I get that. Which is why pregnant women should listen to their OB-GYN, take prenatal vitamins and eat/drink foods rich in calcium, iron, etc. while pregnant.

Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog

10 points

1 month ago

Gordon Ramsay looked 48 in 1998 and he looks 48 now.

yistisyonty[S]

10 points

1 month ago

By the sound of it your testosterone levels haven't gone down as much as some people's. Which I understand can be related to keeping fit and having an active lifestyle.

That seems like solid advice. I'm already trying to waste less time, but I could definitely do more - would hate to come to the end of my life regretting how I spent my time

Testiculese

7 points

1 month ago

Lackadaisical lifestyle affects testosterone as well. Overweight, low cardio, shit food, etc., dampens it.

PsychoPuppyParty

51 points

1 month ago

Highly variable answers depending on each persons position in life and how well their genetics hold up.

I'm 59 going on 90

Personally I've got the 'fuck you' genes. I sprained my ankles as a kid a few times too many. Before 17 I lost cartilage in both knee's. (no more football, running sports, ah ... sports in general) Around 30 I tore an ACL. The next decade or so I do generally okay, considering. So I go to get a knee 'fixed' and find out my hips have been wearing out all this time. (Sigh) So I get a hip done with plans to fix the knee. Do one side then the other. Perfect plan, quit smoking, save sick leave (fortunate to have that) get hip, knee, hip, knee four year plan, right? No, not at all. Hip no problem but I react to pain meds and it shuts down my gut. Diverticulitis which went septic and got a chuck of gut removed. So now with a colostomy bag! Oh life is grand!! But I'm still alive and able to do what I was doing so cool. Get the colostomy reversed (no more bag!!) and get back to work in time for corona. Things are going so well that I don't notice the slight pain in one hand. Then both hands. Go to doc and find out I have RA. Currently trying to find the medication that will work for me. I don't expect much. Trust me when I say this ... RA sucks more than anything I've had to deal with. Of course it moves to other areas as well. Walking is becoming a hard thing to do.

BUT all things considered life is grand! I've got 3 awesome kids all with successful careers. A totally awesome wife who deals with all my shit. I honestly feel I would not be here without her. Still able to work and maintain our household. Happy Boy!

Ok I'm done bitching, thanks for reading and enjoy your day! : )

Joe12608

4 points

1 month ago

It's a journey for sure. Hang in there buddy, you have a lot to be thankful for! It's great that you realize what you have.

Jefe4fingers

40 points

1 month ago

Learning your worth is not always determined by how many zeros are in your bank account

yistisyonty[S]

11 points

1 month ago

That sounds like a good thing to me, unless you're rich of course

OffusMax

103 points

1 month ago

OffusMax

103 points

1 month ago

One day you wake up and you realize that the number of days behind you are greater than the number of days in front of you. And you start to feel your mortality. It doesn’t get any better as you continue to age.

Though I have more aches and pains now than when I was younger, it’s not all gloom and doom. I just have to get my ass to the gym when restrictions are lifted. Now that is going to be torture!

cheekabowwow

15 points

1 month ago

Its a small price to pay for the small minority of adults who learned to stop doing the stupid shit they did when they were younger. But then I get invited to a neighbor bonfire and realize it is indeed a minority.

wylin-outtie

26 points

1 month ago

The people who have been there your whole life start to die

[deleted]

13 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

13 points

1 month ago

Yep. I’m barely old enough to comment on this thread I think, but I’ve already lost a lot of friends. It sucks. And couple that with it being harder to make new friends as you get older, those other guys are irreplaceable in more ways than one

no-adults-here

27 points

1 month ago

Im 47 i work out constantly so im in good shape it hurts if you fall , sleep funny that hurts as well when you cough sometimes that hurts as well . I dont mind getting older i was introduced to death at a young age so i knew what was coming ...

it sucks when your friend of 24 years dies of lung cancer and she never even smoked . Its weird watching your friends kids have kids ...

I just think of today as yesterdays tomorrow ..

Thats all i have ..

Sandman11x

29 points

1 month ago

I am 72 . Everything is ok

countlessbass

184 points

1 month ago

All of the answers here are correct.

I'll add -

1) watching your friends health deteriorate. Even if you manage to eat right, exercise, avoid too much sun and too much alcohol, it's unlikely that all of your friends will. In 20 years, your friends can't meet up and explore a new city bc of bad knees, hips or other ailments.

2) society values youth over experience. Look at startup culture where a 23 yr old with 2 failed businesses can raise $10 mil for a new idea but a 48 yr old founder with 20 yrs of running a successful company can't get a call back.

3) becoming invisible. I believe women feel this more acutely with age but it was a nice feeling when you walk in a room or down the street and people take note of you simple because you are attractive. It's shallow but it is a very real sensation.

That still can happen because there is some segment of the population that always likes the grey hairs but 95% of the population prefers young Brad Pitt to middle-aged Brad Pitt (though to be fair most people would still notice if Brad Pitt walked in the room - probably a bad example🤣)

AnaphoricReference

53 points

1 month ago

society values youth over experience. Look at startup culture where a 23 yr old with 2 failed businesses can raise $10 mil for a new idea but a 48 yr old founder with 20 yrs of running a successful company can't get a call back.

More generally: Instead of expecting you will get better at things given some time, the default becomes assuming you will get worse with time because you are old.

yistisyonty[S]

15 points

1 month ago

I would expect 2) to be the opposite based on my experience, but maybe it depends on industry and the kind of company you work at.

Can't say 3) will be a problem for me 😂 not got much to lose in that department

countlessbass

12 points

1 month ago

I'm part of the problem. I sit at the desk deciding on investments for our venture fund and I know a team of 24 yr olds with a series of failures will get funded 10x faster than a team of 42 yr olds with nothing but 20 yrs of success🤷‍♂️

ProtoJMan

22 points

1 month ago

So everyone says that one of the best things about getting older is you stop giving a shit. This is true and can help your well-being a lot.

But it can also be a double edged sword. I find myself giving less of a shit about things I actually should give a shit about and find myself making less progress, or backwards progress, on things like my social life or hobbies.

schlongtheta

47 points

1 month ago

schlongtheta

Male, 40

47 points

1 month ago

I'm a healthy man in his late 30s (almost 40). By healthy I mean I don't smoke or do hard drugs, I cycle and jog daily, I eat a healthy diet, etc. No major conditions, all systems in working order.

With that said, I'll never be able to run a 5k as hard as when I was 19 and in my absolute prime. I've had to reduce the amount of impact in my workouts - I don't play (European) football as hard as I used to when I was a teenager, I won't try new sports like BMX (which looks like fun!) because I'm afraid of injury. And speaking of injury - it takes longer to recover. Even when I do a harder-than-usual workout and take precautions to stretch, use good form, etc. it takes me longer to recover than in my youth. Basically, when you are, say 25 years old or younger - you are fucking invincible. Get drunk so you don't remember who you are, then run a 5k the next day, and go BMX riding after that and fall of your bike 100 times, and the next week... it'll be like nothing happened. Try that as a 40 year old and you'll feel that shit for months.

tl;dr - healthy almost-40-year old: slower recovery time, peak athletic performance is behind me

zatar77

18 points

1 month ago

zatar77

18 points

1 month ago

Seeing parents getting even older, each time we meet noticing an extra thing that they are not comfortable doing or are just managing. It breaks my heart each time.

Wishing all the parents health and happiness.

WeAreGray

18 points

1 month ago

The physical aging is at least somewhat manageable. Thank goodness for legal pharmaceuticals. The social stigmas are a bit harder. It's surprising how invisible you can become as you age.

Looking for a job when you're over 50 can be a challenge. It's very difficult to survive the interview process when a bunch of 20-somethings are doing the hiring. (speaking from personal experience) Ageism is real. Some industries have a reputation for it. It's difficult or nearly impossible to prove. Sometimes it's couched in terms of "not being a good cultural fit" or "we don't think you'd mesh well with the team". (meaning the younger people you'd work with because you remind them of their parent) I say this not as an excuse or as something you should fear but as something you should prepare to potentially face yourself. And the best preparation is being in a position to retire earlier than you might like.

Losing lifelong friends. Covid, like other pandemics before it, has been really damaging in that respect. But even without a pandemic I've had a few friends not survive to 60. That sort of grief forces you to reflect on what's truly important. Whatever that happens to be for you.

mdrnsavg

18 points

1 month ago

mdrnsavg

18 points

1 month ago

The cruel joke of hitting middle age is that you have finally figured things out, you’ve mastered some skills, are confident and capable of living in the life you’ve built, etc.

And then BAM! You’re hit with the realization there is more behind you than ahead of you and many of those years will be spent in gradual decline where you will be less able to maintain the life you’ve grown to love.

alaxoskl4

42 points

1 month ago

Damn I got sad after reading these all comments and I'm just 23. Are there some good news as we getting older?

holeshot1982

22 points

1 month ago

Wisdom is a huge one.

EsmagaSapos

23 points

1 month ago

Old people don't normally fart around reddit kid. They sit in park benches and talk. They do gardening. They walk around the park, slowly. They sit on their front porch and drink beer, smoke cigars. Life's beautiful kid, more and more when you start worrying less and less, you eventually accept death, it takes a lot of living. Sadly most only then see how transcendent everything is, how beautiful it has always been.

sailortailorson

15 points

1 month ago

63 year-old here.
The worst thing is seeing the deterioration in peers, and siblings. This happens even when you are healthy yourself. Next, for me is that you are often dismissed in more numerous ways than ever.

Having said that, exercise and good sleep are the best things to retain the most control: varied, regular exercise. I lift (just dumbbells), row (on a Concept 2 rowing machine), and walk (10k steps every couple of days). I also bought a pitchback and mitt recently and try throwing a baseball to myself for a t least a half-hour every other day or so. I kept my joints and maybe the soles of my feet by taking glucosamine. I take melatonin as needed to sleep, quite a lot, maybe 20 to 25 mg. I don’t know if it necessary, but I also take a baby aspirin every day. Also I kept my hair with Rogaine, I dye my beard occasionally and my hair sometimes too. I try to avoid eating too much bad stuff, but occasional stack of girl-scout cookies or pint of ice-cream creeps in. I try to make vegetable dishes the center of my diet, but eat meat too.

I got out of a bad, verbally abusive relationship about 10 years ago. I was more overweight then, and felt like I did not want to live. I feel sad for the effect the divorce had on my kids, but some of this was happening no matter what (ex had pretty much weaponized her psychology degree and mother-role).

I am fortunate in that my work involves coding. It is hard for others to be completely dismissive of me when I produce working, efficient code. I can work remotely and make decent money. I moved from the SF bay area to a modest house I was able to buy in the same town as my girlfriend.

In some ways, I feel like I am actually at my best right now.

Tackle_History

12 points

1 month ago

Your balls touching the water when you sit on the toilet.

greyeminence2

43 points

1 month ago

I’m only 33, but I’ve noticed two things with my parents as they’ve aged.

1) My father has gotten more rigid in his opinions as he’s aged. He’s a very kind man and a fairly liberal one, but his capacity to take in new information and adjust his thinking accordingly has diminished. I think he inwardly rolls his eyes at a lot of the social justice discussions that happened during #metoo, after George Floyd being killed, etc in a way that he wouldn’t have 10 or 20 years ago.

2) I think my parents struggle a bit with feeling less necessary to their children now that my brother and I are grown. We still see and talk to my parents, and my parents have their own lives aside from us, but I sense a disappointment in them sometimes that we don’t NEED them like we used to.

3) An obvious one, but health problems are starting to crop up for them. Nothing major yet, but enough to make me worried for the next 10-20 years.

yistisyonty[S]

11 points

1 month ago

These are interesting. I've definitely noticed 2) already, only in my mother though. But it's only because she was so dedicated to bringing up her children that it's left a bit of a hole in her life

cheekabowwow

9 points

1 month ago

1 is generational perspective vs youth. Older people also had radical ideas and wanted to change the world, they now have the perspective of going through that period and now look at your eagerness with a sense of equal parts fondness and sadness overlaid with their experience.

Joe12608

7 points

1 month ago

I think it is probably different for each person as they age. I've become more liberal as I get older. I think it comes from being able to weed through the bullshit easier but I'm sure that isn't the case for everyone in their 60's. I'm also very happy that my children are full adults and can live on their own. It shows I did something right along the way.

Health problems are a big. More pills, surgery, libido and aches are all very real. Take care of yourselves while you are young because it will not last but will help as you age.

yodatswhack

11 points

1 month ago

Sitting on your balls becomes a serious concern.

grimmalkin

64 points

1 month ago

1) People will start to automatically assume that your political views are increasingly right wing

2) It is increasingly frustrating to be ignored when you give advice on things that you have been through and then have to help pick up the pieces when it all goes tits up for them after they ignored your advice

3) You have two choices when it comes to the opposite gender, you can choose to either become invisible to them or get labelled as a creepy old guy. On the bright side, you know when people want to take advantage of you because it is the only time they actually make the effort to notice and talk to you.

4) Welcome to the wonderful world of IBS, Diverticular disease and a plethora of other embarrassing ailments that you have never heard of before

5) You lose your passion for music, either because modern music seems to be just garbage to you or because you are now unable to hear certain frequencies of high pitched sound so you only get to hear half a tune these days

6) Your need for sleep diminishes, I used to need at least eight hours of sleep a day, Now I am fine with 5 or less

7) After you lose your first few friends to age related illnesses you become morbidly obsessed with obituaries

8) You hair migrates from the top of your head to everywhere else on your body

9) Police will no longer raid your house because you are growing weed

cheekabowwow

15 points

1 month ago

They'll also willfully forget that you gave the advise in the first place.

Pet_me_I_am_a_puppy

21 points

1 month ago

3) You have two choices when it comes to the opposite gender, you can choose to either become invisible to them or get labelled as a creepy old guy.

This has not been my experience and I would certainly qualify as "forgettable" in a random lineup pulled off the street. Exuding a quiet confidence works much better as an older man than a younger one. On the other hand, overt advances are treated far more harshly usually without the forgiveness of youth. I definitely feel I'm much more sought after now than in my younger years.

5) You lose your passion for music, either because modern music seems to be just garbage to you or because you are now unable to hear certain frequencies of high pitched sound so you only get to hear half a tune these days

Also disagree with this one. While I'm not actively out looking for the latest and great I still listen to a lot of music made within the last decade with new things being introduced all the time. If anything finding music, while hard due to the sheer mountain being produced, is easier these days with so many internet resources.

daproest1

24 points

1 month ago

Finding a lifetime mate becomes a game of musical chairs. When you’re young, 20s, is when you’re least emotionally prepared for a stable relationship but it’s when you should get and keep one. I lost my 20s to my dream girl over petty arguments and misunderstandings. Nothing serious. We were both immature. And now in my 30s I’m starting to see how I’ll never have that type of love again. She was my better half. Men and women are different. She moved on and got engaged right away. Meanwhile I’m tormented by what could have been years later and thinking about marrying someone I don’t even love just so that I can have someone by my side.

eddboat112

16 points

1 month ago

I ubderstand where youre coming from, but thats a selfish reason to marry someone. Keep looking, you'll find someone better that'll make you forget about your ex

Hoosierdaddy1964

11 points

1 month ago

Becoming more isolated.

Becoming irrelevant.

tcs911

10 points

1 month ago

tcs911

10 points

1 month ago

The worst? Watching yourself become irrelevant, unneeded and unnecessary.

These-arent-my-pants

10 points

1 month ago

Everyone I know seems to fall apart at thirty, body wise. I myself was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease and will eventually need a kidney. My wife has diabetes, my boss has issues with his back.

DaBaTaKa

10 points

1 month ago

DaBaTaKa

10 points

1 month ago

Realizing your dreams aren’t realistic and watching doors into other avenues of life close.

When you’re 15, it’s fun to imagine becoming an astronaut.

When you’re 28, you feel stupid even thinking about it because you know it’ll never happen.

Turbowookie79

9 points

1 month ago

Digestion. It seems like everything screws up either my stomach or asshole.

TCNW

9 points

1 month ago

TCNW

9 points

1 month ago

Regrets.

Regrets about not asking that girl out, traveling more, getting a better job, having kids, wasting time etc. Etc etc

I can handle the aches and pains of getting older. But living with regrets about things you didn’t do for whatever reasons is hard to live with.

Skiamakhos

10 points

1 month ago

You begin to see how you will die.

I never paid much attention to this, but my grandfather died in a home, with Alzheimer's. My father is currently 89 & in a care home, where he's in the later stages of vascular dementia & probable Alzheimer's. I know that if I don't have a heart attack before then, then I will lose my mind, my memories, my identity and my will to live, and become a sad reminder to my family of what I was once.

I have some plans in place. I'm aiming to get a sailing boat big enough to live on, and move onto it with my wife when I'm forced to retire. We'll rent out our house to provide us with income & sail around the Mediterranean, and further if we've the energy, skill & courage. Should I die aboard, I've told my wife to just roll me overboard, my family don't need the expense of a funeral. Just note the co-ordinates. If I feel my faculties failing to the point of intolerability, I'll go for a swim.

We're maybe 20 years off that situation now, but knowing that I do not have to fall into the trap my dad & his dad fell into does give me some hope. I don't have to worry about it so much, and I can appreciate the time I have left. I intend to have some adventures, and go see some sights before I start to forget it all. Making memories for me is not the object - I won't remember them, come the end - but I want to leave my family with a set of great stories.

wizard637

7 points

1 month ago

The days go by slowly but the years are going by so fast it’s unreal

boughmadeofwood

14 points

1 month ago

Agism

Lafinfil

6 points

1 month ago

regrets, I've had a few .....

GoGoCrumbly

6 points

1 month ago

But then again, too few to mention.

Dumfk

6 points

1 month ago

Dumfk

6 points

1 month ago

Weight is a major problem for me. It's compounded as I'm in constant pain with some days better than others. I'm mid 40s now but am paying the price of riding bikes, skateboarding, car wrecks etc and not going to the hospital due to lack of $.

Deeznugssssssss

8 points

1 month ago

Experiencing real failure. Getting a bad grade is nothing by comparison.

Senepicmar

8 points

1 month ago

Huh?

Sorry, lost my train of thought again...

outsmartedagain

8 points

1 month ago

aging gracefully is difficult. re-setting your mind to realize it is challenging. Watching your body change is brutal as the dna takes over and re-shapes you. staying motivated is also a task. on the whole, aging is not fun.

entropy68

7 points

1 month ago

I'm 52. There are definitely pros and cons. Here are the cons in my opinion, based on my own personal experience as well as my friends of a similar age:

- The physical decline is real. A slower metabolism means staying in shape takes more effort. You recover slower. Injuries never really go away. Hangovers can be brutal. Chronic pain can become a major problem. Injuries you got back when you were younger come back to haunt you (for me, it's my knee). You need more consistency. You hate the idea of staying up all night and partying because you know it will take two-three days to recover. Many men start needing reading glasses around this age.

- Sex and sex drive. Your hormones and other things start changing and that can negatively affect your sex life in a lot of ways. Everything from losing libido to performance issues. Plus if you're in a long-term marriage or relationship with a spouse of similar age, you and your spouse are no longer on the same page when it comes to sex. Starting in the late 40's, interest in sex drops considerably for many women.

- Responsibility. Generally at this age, you have a lot of responsibilities that you can't avoid. Caring for aging parents. Caring for kids. You're at the age where you really start thinking about retirement and if you'll have enough money. Plus you probably have a full-time job that you really need to keep because it's a lot harder to change careers as you get older if something happens. Ageism in employment is real. Life is both very busy and complicated - you can't just drop everything and go backpacking around Europe for a summer.

- I think on the mental side it's mostly positive. You don't learn things as quickly as when you were younger, but you haven't really started the mental decline that is inevitable as you get older. But many men may start seeing signs of mental decline - simple things like forgetting where you put stuff. Needing to be a lot more organized.

frieswithnietzsche

6 points

1 month ago

Redundancy

TonightRainshowers

6 points

1 month ago

Body doesnt heal as fast.

Testiculese

6 points

1 month ago*

The worst thing about getting older is not taking care of yourself when you were younger. (Fortunately, I'm not in that boat)

My biggest fear is getting tired of my hobbies. All of them are lifelong, almost daily activities. I've been playing pool since I was 10, guitar since I was 17, bowling since I was 15, writing code since I was 15, hiking since I was born...so many things I've been doing my entire life, and then I see people say "it's just not fun anymore". I'm scared that one day I'll look at my pool table, and go "meh", or realize that the guitar hasn't come out of it's case in weeks.

Piscesmon63

7 points

1 month ago

Interesting, but let’s get real. Bathroom stuff sucks! Getting up to pee several times in the night. When your young you sleep the night through. You have more gas as you get older, there’s a reason they call us “old farts”. I used to only actually use my own bathroom at home to take a dump, I’d wait all day if I had to, that luxury is gone. Any restroom will do. All of this is totally annoying and totally out of my control, at least as far as I know.

mudd2247

6 points

1 month ago

Not being able to get by on 4 hours of sleep anymore.

Fringelunaticman

6 points

1 month ago

One of the worst things about getting older is the regret. You regret what road you took and wonder how much different your life would be if you made a few different choices. Even if you're happy.

I am one of the luckiest people in the world but I still think how much better my life would be if I did just a few things differently. Or if I was able to change my perspective in time to notice the things I was missing out on.

Obviously, the physical part sucks but it really depends on your lifestyle. If you maintain your fitness then you should be fine but getting back into shape is so much harder. Not only harder but it takes so much more time. So does weight loss.

But sometimes the mental part is worse. Are you a success? Are you happy? Are you keeping up with the Jones's. Can you do your hobbies? Do you have hobbies? Are you where you want to be in life? Once you start getting into middle age, there's a reason people have that midlife crisis as all your failures hit you at once.

For me, though, the worst was losing the aspect of making new friends. I have my solid core of friends but since I am in a different city than they are and am in my 40s, it has been difficult to meet people my age and to develop a new friendship.

Rational_Crackhead

6 points

1 month ago

First of all, as others had said, it's the physical things.

Then the second thing is you start to feel your brain slowing down. I used to work in IT as a software engineer. During my younger times I feel like if I wanna learn something, then I can just Google things up for a while and in a relatively short period of time I can understand things pretty easily.

It's a lot different now. I now feel like if I wanna learn something, then I literally have to squeeze all my brain power out to comprehend things. This starts to become annoying lately. Sometimes when I want to keep up with the ever-changing industry trends (as we're all required to do to stay relevant in tech), I feel that I want to immediately jump on Google and start reading right away, as how my younger self would do. I still got that urge. But knowing that I have to "overclock" my brain to get through it, I decided to just slack off and call it a day.

hacklinux

5 points

1 month ago

Bald head 😅

QuentinTarzantino

7 points

1 month ago

Realising my diet and drinking habbits needed change.

txhusky12

5 points

1 month ago

You know that ache you had for a day and then you were perfectly fine the next day when you were 20? Yeah, it lasts far longer than a day now.

lokingfinesince89

5 points

1 month ago

Back pain

ekimlive

5 points

1 month ago

You just don't realize how your body starts to fail you until it happens. It is subtle in some cases, more apparent in others, but always something you have to adjust to.

Lungomono

5 points

1 month ago

That I realized that I one day with have to bury my mother and come to terms with that. It is just a certainty that it will happen one day and it will absolutely destroy me. I just need to come with terms about it. At least we have had some talks with her about it. Hopefully it will ease it a bit and at least I know what her wishes are.

PurpleBanner

5 points

1 month ago

Or are there other, less obvious things that make it difficult?

Honestly, the hard part is watching how dumb everyone at 20 actually is.

Sam-Angel

6 points

1 month ago

Sam-Angel

Sup Bud?

6 points

1 month ago

Knowing there was so much more I could've done by now

mkth89

5 points

1 month ago

mkth89

5 points

1 month ago

Jesus. I'm already depressed. I should stay away from this thread. Where is the what are the best things about getting older thread? haha.