subreddit:

/r/WhitePeopleTwitter

54.1k

I'd like to summon a full nights rest

r/all(i.redd.it)

all 204 comments

WPT-Bot [M]

[score hidden]

13 days ago

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WPT-Bot [M]

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13 days ago

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alanmooresbarber

1.1k points

13 days ago

First build the Infinity Bed, then comes The Nap.

filled0

318 points

13 days ago

filled0

318 points

13 days ago

Infinity Nap

Aeone3

232 points

13 days ago

Aeone3

232 points

13 days ago

A shovel can help with that.

BLACKROSE756

127 points

13 days ago

taco bell gong sound

Call_The_Banners

60 points

13 days ago

Half the people around the world are no longer tired anymore and are suddenly super productive

They called me a madman.

EmpericalNinja

18 points

13 days ago

adderal in the food or the water?

(Is that the right drug I'm thinking of?)

BLACKROSE756

10 points

13 days ago

Nah ur thinking of husain bolt. Aka crack weed and speed all in the same minute

Aeone3

3 points

13 days ago

Aeone3

3 points

13 days ago

Yo if this gets onto cursed comments could you link it to me? Or if anyone else sees it?

BLACKROSE756

2 points

13 days ago

Hope it does land there tbh

floatingspacerocks

7 points

13 days ago

RIP

Meowww13

2 points

13 days ago

RIP

random_dogg0

10 points

13 days ago

The begbugs will bite back in bedvengers, endwake

Echos_from_the_Void

3 points

13 days ago

This comment is drastically underrated 😂

wtph

3 points

13 days ago

wtph

3 points

13 days ago

From dusk to dusk.

goatofglee

2 points

13 days ago

Please

adolfojp

1 points

13 days ago

Same. I'm going to sleep now. Wish me luck.

[deleted]

1 points

13 days ago*

[deleted]

1 points

13 days ago*

[deleted]

ravenRedwake

1 points

13 days ago

Lots of chafing

daario_nowwhodis

25 points

13 days ago

The Nappening

Ok-Symbol

15 points

13 days ago

“The nap wiped out half of his tiredness”

3210Self-Destruct

7 points

13 days ago

Infinity Snore.

KDawG888

5 points

13 days ago

just be careful you don't end up with the pillow case of the mondays

-Masderus-

4 points

13 days ago

Sleep... is inevitable.

theInfiniteHammer

2 points

13 days ago

The nap of eternity.

Anxious_chihuahua

2 points

13 days ago

Infinity bed.....you mean a casket?

soyapa

2 points

13 days ago

soyapa

2 points

13 days ago

The S tier sleep, the S-nap

Catkilledmeagain

1 points

13 days ago

What about... infinity scarf o:

TheMidnightFudge

126 points

13 days ago

Summon the Sandman and kick him in the nuts for doing such a shitty job. Tell him he knows why.

avengepluto

27 points

13 days ago

Say your prayers, little one.

FrostDiamondTM

13 points

13 days ago

dont forget, my son

UncleTedGenneric

4 points

13 days ago

Kick FrostDiamondTMjr in the nuts

Got it

FrostDiamondTM

1 points

13 days ago

Uncle Ted thats the last time you touch my no no area!!!

zacmars

2 points

13 days ago

zacmars

2 points

13 days ago

TwoGoldenMenus

17 points

13 days ago

Why be so hostile when you could follow Metallica’s lead and Enter Sandman?

greasy_420

9 points

13 days ago

Sounds coarse and rough and like it will get everywhere.

kicked_trashcan

3 points

13 days ago

Don’t try it...

cantadmittoposting

2 points

13 days ago

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

devindrlz

3 points

13 days ago

Mr. Sandman, I'll kick you in the nuts Don't ask the reason, you already know why

Jechtael

2 points

13 days ago

The last person who tried that stayed awake for five hundred years. Some say that to this day at the local pub you can still hear him getting drunk all night.

sit_down_and_color

294 points

13 days ago

Just remember: avoid the my pillow which only goes with the duvet of alternate truth and the loss of memory mattress. Gravity may no longer work in the alternate universe you conjure, rendering your blanket useless!

BLACKROSE756

53 points

13 days ago

If the laws of physics do not apply to you in the near future post apocalyptic events. God help you. -announcer Al Portal 2

Call_The_Banners

17 points

13 days ago

Cave Johnson, we're done here.

Capnris

8 points

13 days ago

Capnris

8 points

13 days ago

Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge. Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.

EelslapLivesOn

3 points

13 days ago

When life gives you lemons...

BLACKROSE756

3 points

13 days ago

MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMINS BACK

rizzlepdizzle

6 points

13 days ago

There's still gravity but it's that weird flat-earth gravity.

Polenball

3 points

13 days ago*

Tfw gravity stops after 353 days because Earth's reached lightspeed

ColosalDisappointMan

2 points

13 days ago

It's now called Our Pillows.

UnrepentantFenian

70 points

13 days ago

You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug.

namiraj

12 points

13 days ago

namiraj

12 points

13 days ago

Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.

torrrrlife

1 points

13 days ago

Where is this from?

UnrepentantFenian

3 points

13 days ago

Fight Club

torrrrlife

2 points

13 days ago

Thank you!

BestJersey

34 points

13 days ago

Don’t forgot your PJs of happiness

the_kid1234

29 points

13 days ago

Definitely spoilers for the next Zelda game.

TokoBlaster

14 points

13 days ago

Spoilers for my next D&D game.

RiddickOfRivia

13 points

13 days ago

Even if 8 hours was achievable my neck would tell me I did it wrong

Snoo-12209

3 points

13 days ago

3 burst fractures tell me I can only sleep in a float tank.

BabyEatersAnonymous

2 points

13 days ago

Neck is fine. Knees.

Havingaverybadtime

4 points

13 days ago

Try a long U shaped pregnancy pillow. They are the most glorious thing if you're a side sleeper. No matter which side you sleep on there's already a pillow there and it cradles your whole body. My husband lovingly calls it my nest and he steals it some nights, other nights he latches onto the side facing him.

joelham01

10 points

13 days ago

My girlfriend has one of them weighted blankets and I have to sleep with another blanket now because I found out the hard way anxiety reducing blankets give me mad anxiety attacks

PM_me_pretty_butts

6 points

13 days ago

Finally will all for bedcovers i will rule the world of my dreams

AuthorityAnarchyYes

7 points

13 days ago

Those things are useless without the Bidet of Cleanliness.

LazerAttack4242

11 points

13 days ago

It's the time pillow because it resets it's entropy when it's turned over and feels cooler.

Fruitblood23

4 points

13 days ago

I think she means the "bucket" of truth. To gaze into it is to be driven mad.

alanmooresbarber

3 points

13 days ago

Don't forget the pennies of ass.

VladislavBonita

1 points

13 days ago

Who do you refer to with "she"?

Virkreo

1 points

13 days ago

Virkreo

1 points

13 days ago

I too am wondering why they would want two top blankets. either they live in the antarctic or just literally cold blooded

Thread_the_marigolds

4 points

13 days ago

I have to add that in addition to weighted blanket and memory mattress, I have the silk pillowcase, eye mask, and CBD gummies and STILL don’t get a good night’s sleep 🤦🏽‍♀️

MCCBG

4 points

13 days ago

MCCBG

4 points

13 days ago

Have you tried sleeping with a fan on? The white noise can help by giving your brain something easy to focus on and the air circulation can help regulate your temperature.

Polenball

9 points

13 days ago

screams in Korean

Un4gettableAngel

2 points

12 days ago

All this plus leg pillows and still only sleep about 3.5 hours before the lightening bolts in my back wake me

DelawareDawg

5 points

13 days ago

Gravity Bong

greasy_420

3 points

13 days ago

You son of a bitch, I'm in.

bebo180

3 points

13 days ago

bebo180

3 points

13 days ago

Wtf is a gravity blanket.... and y do I want one now.

CowboysFTWs

3 points

13 days ago

Don’t forget the Bose sleep buds 2 of power.

LegendOfKhaos

2 points

13 days ago

Missing a couple ston- umm, objects I think

donniebrascoreal

2 points

13 days ago

Harness the power of two extra strenght Benadryls.

burnedsmores

2 points

13 days ago

Dormez-vous, Dormammu?

PrivilegeCheckmate

2 points

13 days ago

Time Pillow and Duvet of Truth

Now I just have to move my bed to the Dream Temple, and play the Song of Slumbers on my Ocarina, and there'll be an eight hour unskippable cutscene of me sleeping like I did before I had a 9-5 and a kid.

ToughFingers

2 points

13 days ago

This feels like it should be on r/nightvale lol

RavagerTrade

2 points

13 days ago

Do NOT buy a MyPillow. That shit is fascist.

DunningthenKruger

2 points

13 days ago

Jesse Case is one of my favorite comedians! Everyone, stop what you're doing and check out his work!

TheManWithNoEyes

2 points

13 days ago

My buddy has one of those memory mattresses and when the power went out last week, he said it was like sleeping on a concrete sidewalk. 2/10 would not recommend

TheNorthNova01

2 points

13 days ago

Summon a sleep paralysis demon

1jobonthislousyship

2 points

13 days ago

In the pursuit of sleep (speaking only for myself), I would much rather quest for the pillowcase of Science Fiction / Space Travel Fantasy.

FortunateInsanity

2 points

13 days ago

I read this on my memory foam mattress under my gravity blanket. But I have the miracle pillow of bamboo already. And the duvet of truth will be no match for my elegant sleep comforter of down.

heckin-good-shit

2 points

13 days ago

wasn’t this an adventure time episode?

BOOCESTERseat

2 points

13 days ago

I shall be the Lord of Slumber, the King of Rest, the Master of the Eternal Night (until about 7 AM when the sun rises where I live).

PillowTalk420

2 points

13 days ago

Me, a guy: "What even is a fuckin' duvet?"

hippiesrock03

2 points

13 days ago

Fancy word for comforter

patsyst0ne

1 points

13 days ago

Under cover of darkness

toeofcamell

1 points

13 days ago

Have you ever slept on the drunken shoe of doom?

Mosenji

3 points

13 days ago

Mosenji

3 points

13 days ago

Once I napped soundly and drunkenly on the Waterbed of Chill, and awoke enlightened.

Chancea2007

2 points

13 days ago

Didn’t know that’s what it was called, but yes, after hanging out with Jack, and Jim all night.

ahjteam

1 points

13 days ago

ahjteam

1 points

13 days ago

I also have a smart scale.

wonteatfish

1 points

13 days ago

You’re forgetting the sheets of wisdom.

Fitz2001

1 points

13 days ago

2007?

SelfDelet

1 points

13 days ago

Lol I do not need a better pillow/bed I slept through all of my morning classes today

EmilyLondon

1 points

13 days ago

Remember, the White Guardian is not your friend.

alraydy

1 points

13 days ago

alraydy

1 points

13 days ago

Sorry, maybe I’m just dumb but..

Wtf is a duvet

deniedbydanse

2 points

13 days ago

It’s like a comforter, but it’s an insert and the decorative cover is like a pillowcase for it. You wash the cover more than the duvet.

speedshark47

1 points

13 days ago

Behold the mighty bed of space-time

boogs_23

1 points

13 days ago

Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie

Copsehurst

1 points

13 days ago

"Time travel is really hard to write about!"

striderofxir

1 points

13 days ago

the blanket and the bed do not synergize.

DatShitCradolfHitler

1 points

13 days ago

Finally, a popular, non-political, quality wpt post.

grandpapuppyboy

1 points

13 days ago

I think you mean the slumbering.

Frito_Pie_27

1 points

13 days ago

Were that this pillow were a time pillow...

Dudeman3001

1 points

13 days ago

Then the f*ckening

Malashae

2 points

13 days ago

No, that requires a completely different build.

RottenPeaches

1 points

13 days ago

Highly dubious lack of the word "mythral" in any of these item titles.

Copsehurst

1 points

13 days ago

The time pillow is little more than a sham!

[deleted]

1 points

13 days ago

[deleted]

1 points

13 days ago

[deleted]

poiskdz

1 points

13 days ago

poiskdz

1 points

13 days ago

Yes they are lovely! But they spoil you and then sleeping without them, everything else feels like a thin sheet.

topdeckerino

1 points

13 days ago

get a generic one on amazon

This_Caterpillar_330

1 points

13 days ago

I just plan on switching to a floor bed. It looks mismatched, but your stats go up a ton.

Hobartcat

1 points

13 days ago

Thus a mighty quest began...

CrazyPlato

1 points

13 days ago

Summon Morpheus, the god of dreams

flamingphoenix9834

1 points

13 days ago

Amen. I havent had a decent nights sleep in weeks. Just enough to keep my bipolar stable.. im sooo tired

dym_sh

1 points

13 days ago

dym_sh

1 points

13 days ago

eaquino03

1 points

13 days ago

The Sleepy Hollows. Whoever acquires all of them will be master of Dream.

Ender210

1 points

13 days ago

The young ones usually mistake the gravity blanket for the electric one and end up summoning house fire instead of the one. This one has a bright future.

benglescott

1 points

13 days ago

Sleep wizard

FireWaterSquaw

1 points

13 days ago

Einstein loved to nap. Right now he’s taking the ultimate nap.

DMoneys36

1 points

13 days ago

This is why the my pillow guy is so crazy....

the_murder_of_crowe

1 points

13 days ago

What if he misheard time pillow and it was really my pillow?

JFGraham24

1 points

13 days ago

Damn. I just keep finding the sheets of solitude

dunndundun0601

1 points

13 days ago

The sleepy hollows!

JanssenFromCanada

1 points

13 days ago

I got some Essence of CBD and it kills all that

SkorpionSnugs

1 points

13 days ago

A MyPillow will bring you back in time about 60 years, more or less.

Jean-Baptiste-E-Zorg

1 points

13 days ago

Finally we are back to whitepeopletwitter instead of politics

Idkwhylifeexists

1 points

13 days ago

Homie going through a whole Minecraft crafting chain for a good night’s sleep

VladislavBonita

1 points

13 days ago

That man, Jesse Case, is a hilarious Nashville comedian with stage IV butt cancer!

such_isnt_life

1 points

13 days ago

Also get space blanket.

KingGidorah

1 points

13 days ago

Assembling the Infinity Slumber ♾

VonMillersThighs

1 points

13 days ago

What about the sheets of dreams?

TaptoRefresh

1 points

13 days ago

What is this font, I absolutely love it

therealultranoob

2 points

13 days ago

Me too stranger

fivewordsinarow

1 points

13 days ago

*preform

BookishTang

1 points

13 days ago

Pretty sure this was a Mario and Luigi game on the 3ds

Crunchwich

1 points

13 days ago

No joke I bought a mullet pillow and that thing is like a time machine. Fall asleep within minutes and wake up 8 hours later not knowing how I got there.

CapableSuggestion

1 points

13 days ago

I bought a log pillow as a joke and that sucker is just right!

BetchGreen

1 points

13 days ago

Is this seriously what happened from 2019 forward - the craziest sojourn ever?

The_Legendary_Sponge

1 points

13 days ago

Damn this new Zelda game sounds dope

Mad_Jack_McMadd

1 points

13 days ago

But then the Poorly Configured Cellphone Alarm of Wakefulness goes off at 3am and ruins everything.

bubbles869

1 points

13 days ago

Nice I've got a floor and a couch pillow. And whatever I can find to use as a blanket st the time.

Sanjuro7880

1 points

13 days ago

After all that he’ll unlock the Cloak of Never Get Laid.

Eiphyllis

1 points

13 days ago

What time pillow and duvet of truth?

geared4war

1 points

13 days ago

I have the time pillow.

ItakBigDumps

1 points

13 days ago

R/2:02amthoughts

jeremyries

1 points

13 days ago

And never wake up. Steak dinners from here on out.

M2D2

1 points

13 days ago

M2D2

1 points

13 days ago

If he used the word “perform” it would sound much cooler.

Dilophosaurs

1 points

13 days ago

Would that this pillow were a time pillow

Gene_freeman

1 points

13 days ago

Nice

AwkwardlyCloseFriend

1 points

13 days ago

This reminds me of the time in super mario dream team bros where you had to find the legendary bed pieces in order have luigi take such a deep nap that you visit the god of sleeping or something like that