subreddit:
/r/clevercomebacks
2k points
3 days ago
Burned so hard he’s scared to use the internet anymore.
447 points
3 days ago
Cellphone seems to spontaneously catch fire.
165 points
3 days ago
It’s gotta have Samsung batteries tho.
45 points
3 days ago
Funny name!! I like
32 points
3 days ago
Thanks lol (if you’re referring to my name) but hopefully he makes it out of this mess and is able to come back to playing
12 points
2 days ago
Kid could use a driving lesson.
105 points
3 days ago
This happened to my little cousin first time he used a mic on Xbox live back in the days of mw2. He shyly got on only to immediately hear someone say they’ll fuck his mom while he hides in the corner to watch. He just sat the headphones down with a scared face and said he didn’t think he wanted to wear them anymore.
56 points
3 days ago
People are so crude and vulgar on the internet. I know better though.
35 points
3 days ago
Miss MyCliyBiggerThanUrD is a nice Christian lady.
10 points
3 days ago
This is the most wholesome thread I’ve seen all fucking day.
16 points
3 days ago
I've found that people are even more toxic on video games. I'm a woman in her early 30s and even I get flushed by the absolute garbage people spew just over a video game.
Sucks for a young kid to have to hear that unexpectedly
3 points
2 days ago
Oh God, sucks even more if they find out you're a woman. And they wonder why they can't get SO's for "some reason."
15 points
3 days ago
I recently made the very bad decision to scare my six year old nephew with the giant spider on VR on a certain game. He just took the headset off and, with a trembling lip, said, "I think I'm going to play with my other toys now." I've never felt so bad.
2 points
3 days ago
and then you grow up
5 points
3 days ago
I mean he was a child so it caught him off guard he’s 20 now and wasn’t scarred for life or anything.
12 points
3 days ago
Deleted on an almost even, high score and an award.
3 points
3 days ago
Burned so hard I myself am scared to use the internet anymore.
3 points
3 days ago
He rage quit
5 points
3 days ago
Nothing feels better than burning somebody so hard that they delete their account. I did it exactly once.
674 points
3 days ago
Not even going to check if that’s accurate or not as it was exceptionally bold.
353 points
3 days ago
he was wrong because the need for greater accuracy is usually derived from the need to measure smaller amounts of the given unit. the bigger it is the less accurate it needs to
161 points
3 days ago
That doesn't make him wrong. The need for a micrometer being mostly for small things is entirely irrelevant.
41 points
3 days ago
what
157 points
3 days ago*
Whether you normally use micrometer for small things, or large things, is irrelevant, because the point of a micrometer is to be accurate.
Just because greater accuracy is often required for smaller things, doesn't mean you can't have 10 meter micrometer, because the instrument itself is made for accuracy, not size.
For example, I've used micrometers at work that are intended for 10 cm. Granted, that's not massive, but I can't imagine bigger ones being that rare.
56 points
3 days ago
They used 12" micrometers at my last job. They machined ceramic rollers, where overall length was critical. It was a bitch to use, so most people fought over the surface plate and height gauge.
59 points
3 days ago
Yea I dunno what these guys are talking about. Larger doesn't inherently mean larger tolerances. There's tons of relatively large shit that require tight, sub mm tolerances. One could use a micrometer to measure those.
18 points
3 days ago
Exactly, airplane parts are large but the tolerance is measured in micrometers
9 points
3 days ago
I've worked as an aircraft engineer for more than a decade, and tolerances are not nearly as tight as you think they are. Certainly not down to thousandths of a millimeter.
Also, the discussion is about micrometers the tool, not the unit of length.
2 points
2 days ago
I'm not sure where you go that information from, but that's false sir!
11 points
3 days ago
I think they’re more implying the opposite. Larger objects doesn’t inherently mean larger errors are acceptable, but smaller does inherently need smaller absolute errors. If you’re measuring something that’s 1 mm, you inherently need something with an error of less than 1mm.
There’s plenty of times where you need much less than 1mm of error when measuring larger objects too, but not always like small objects.
3 points
3 days ago
Yea could be, that's not how I read it, but valid nonetheless.
5 points
3 days ago
This whole thread reads like a conversation from the crowd in Monty python’s life of Brian
6 points
3 days ago
We had 24" digital mics good to .001" tolerance. The longest analog mic was 60" long. Oilfield parts.
8 points
3 days ago
the instrument itself is made for accuracy, not size
Yeah, that's a great pickup line.
4 points
3 days ago
On r/specializedtools someone posted a pic of one about 6 feet across for measuring turbines i think
4 points
3 days ago
The point is to be precise, not accurate. Accuracy is a results of how well you measure something, not a result of the unit.
3 points
3 days ago
Accuracy is a results of how well you measure something, not a result of the unit.
Counterexample: Low accuracy due to poor precision
2 points
2 days ago
That's not really a counterexample. What they said is still relevant, the micrometer is for being precise, not specifically accurate. That is why you calibrate it against a known measurement before using it to be accurate and precise.
Generally for all measurement tools you should recalibrate often when you need high precision and accuracy.
For example, I've got a micrometer that can measure between 50 mm and 100 mm ± 0.001 mm. When I calibrate it with a block that is 50 mm ± 0.001 mm at 293,15 K and see that it shows 50,121 mm on that I know that I'll need to subtract 0,121 mm from any measurement. To be even more precise I'd probably also calibrate it at 100 mm, and if it shows 100,213 mm there I'd generally calculate the offset as 0,121 + ((how many mm from 50) * (0,213 - 0,121)), as that'd give me the linear offset at each point.
But more precisely one would calibrate with a calibration block as close to the measurement you'd need to ensure the uncertainty is as small as possible.
2 points
3 days ago
"It's irrelevant because I'm going to completely ignore the real life context behind why they exist."
2 points
3 days ago
Just did some looking, and found some up to 700mm.
One thing that is small is the range of measurement. A 700mm micrometer will only measure down to 600mm.
2 points
3 days ago
Except for the fact that a micron or micrometre (10-6) is also called a micrometer (because the US sucks at spelling).
7 points
3 days ago
In this case they’re referring to the tool, not the measurement.
2 points
3 days ago
The usage if micrometer to refer the tool predates the usage meter as a unit of measurement by about 120 years. And using 'meter' in the name of a measuring tool is common everywhere, not just the US.
1 points
3 days ago
I agree with your 1st statement but I don't see what it has to do with my point. Fact remains that micrometer means 2 separate things today. Therefore, the clever comeback isn't all that clever because he was wrong in correcting the other dude about his usage of 'micrometer'.
And 'meter' as a measuring tool is the og English usage. I was deriding US English for using 'meter' instead of 'metre' as a unit of length, thereby causing confusion.
1 points
3 days ago
Indeed there are. I've used ones intended for 36" diameters when I worked in aerospace. Here's a link to one: Big Micrometers
1 points
3 days ago
Not gonna lie, I was really hoping for you to burn him at that end of this reply lol. Kinda disappointed
9 points
3 days ago
This is a micrometer that measures up to 20".
He's not wrong.
8 points
3 days ago
What do you mean the bigger it is? Like the workpiece? If so that is wrong. Micrometers are just precision devices with two anvils in a frame. I have calibrated 24" mikes that have ten thou accuracy. I am sure I have done larger but that is the biggest Starrett I can recall.
IIRC the transmissions on wind turbines are hundred thou. Those are huge units that you need a speciality CMM for.
5 points
3 days ago
I love how people are downvoting a machinist (I'm assuming that's what you are) for a technically accurate answer 😍
4 points
3 days ago
Reddit is stunningly bad for this kinda stuff. I've been downvoted when arguing about something being banned. My argument was that piece of equipment was osha recommended linked it. Was still called wrong.
3 points
3 days ago
I think the insertion point accuracy is as critical as it can be with greater volumes.
5 points
3 days ago
That's simply not true. It absolutely depends on the application. I've had large tolerances on small features that don't matter much and .0001 tolerance on 30" diameters
3 points
3 days ago
This is wrong. There are huge things with a tolerance of .1mm +- tolerances whilst I’d call this a big tolerance most people would interpret this as very precise tolerances.
2 points
2 days ago
2mm tolerance window might as well be a mile in my industry.
5 points
3 days ago
Oh God no, work piece sizes and required tolerances are two different things. Measurement equipment accuracy correlates to workpiece tolerances not size.
3 points
3 days ago
That's not true at all. Accuracy is necessary on lots of big things. The space station is enormous, but the parts all need to be accurate to a very extreme degree.
It's based on need not size.
5 points
3 days ago
Sorry bro, totally false. Micrometers come in all kinds of sizes, at my work we use micrometers as big as 48 inches.
1 points
3 days ago
Yeah lol this isn’t even a good one
1 points
3 days ago
The degree of accuracy and precision needed in a measurement is a product of the design and use, not the size of what you are measuring.
3 points
3 days ago*
https://i.imgur.com/mHaC7OX.png this micrometer looks to be around 7'
EDIT: This one measures up to 10metres. https://www.directindustry.com/prod/microtech/product-161061-1826557.html
and I thought my 8" micrometer was big.
3 points
3 days ago
Mechanical engineer here....it accurate. Micrometers are for precision measurements.
2 points
3 days ago
It’s correct. There are huge micrometers. example this is a 1 meter one I believe
5 points
3 days ago
It's not. How the fuck would any power of a meter not be a unit of measure
13 points
3 days ago
Micrometer is the name of a tool used to make precise measurements. They often look similar to C clamps.
5 points
3 days ago
It can mean either thing depending on the context. Usually you see the measurement abbreviated as μm, and it's a millionth of a meter.
Personally if someone were joking about dick size and then mentioned micrometers I would assume they were talking about the unit of measurement, and not the tool.
5 points
3 days ago
To me, that's part of what makes the joke clever. He managed to use the other meaning when naturally the first meaning would be on your mind.
5 points
3 days ago
It's also the name of a unit of measurement
8 points
3 days ago
Micron is typically used to avoid confusion.
1 points
3 days ago
People use both. Typically there will he some level of context which would make it so there is almost zero chance of confusing the two.
2 points
3 days ago
He's referring to the tool called a micrometer which predates the use of the metre as a unit of measurement by over 100 years. Sometimes people use the same words to meand different things.
1 points
3 days ago
He rage quit.
142 points
3 days ago
fuck coroner, get the street washing truck.
146 points
3 days ago
Call an ambulance
78 points
3 days ago
...But not for me
11 points
3 days ago
The Whaambulace.
78 points
3 days ago
Plot twist -- he was talking to his brother.
25 points
3 days ago
Sweet home Alabama
5 points
3 days ago
Cue the banjo music
3 points
3 days ago
Billy-Bob...oh Billy-Bob! Have you seen your brother Billy-Joe?
3 points
3 days ago
ROLL TIDE
19 points
3 days ago
Fuck you Shoresy!
8 points
3 days ago
Fuck you, Jonesy. I fucked your mom so hard I thought she was having a seizure but I actually just hit her factory reset button. Can you put my number back in that burner phone I bought her
8 points
3 days ago
Fuck you, Shorsey!
5 points
3 days ago
Fuck you, Reilly! Whenever I fuck your mom she begs to wear a bag over her head so I can test out her gag reflex
4 points
3 days ago
Fuck you, Shorsey!
73 points
3 days ago
Holy fucking shit he shredded that guy
23 points
3 days ago
To shreds, you say?
21 points
3 days ago
Small, accurately measured shreds.
2 points
2 days ago
Small and precise enough to measure with, micrometers perhaps?
24 points
3 days ago
Complete destruction
23 points
3 days ago
Lots of redditors who have clearly never used a micrometer are in this thread all the sudden knowing all about them. They aren’t used to measure small things you dolts, they’re used to measure a given size accurately with small graduations. At my work we use micrometers as small as 0-1/2 inch, and as big as 47-48 inch.
4 points
3 days ago
I don't know how many comments I've read and angrily blew my breath through my nose and thought you probably can't even read a damn mic
5 points
3 days ago
I've done fab work since I was 16 and this thread is making me madder at reddit than I've ever been.
7 points
3 days ago
F
35 points
3 days ago
The micrometre (international spelling as used by the International Bureau of Weights and Measures; SI symbol: μm) or micrometer (American spelling), also commonly known as a micron, is an SI derived unit of length equalling 1×10−6 metre. Source: wikipedia. There's also a measuring instrument called micrometer.
It's a come back, but not a clever one.
4 points
3 days ago
I thought this was the wikipedia bot until I got to the end
4 points
3 days ago
The Wikipedia Bot is likely more fun at parties than OP, too.
14 points
3 days ago
Google micrometer. It's an instrument to measure things accurately. Specifically very good for measuring the diameter of something, similar to a Vernier caliper.
7 points
3 days ago
It's also a unit of measurement
11 points
3 days ago
It is also a unit of measurement equal to 1/1000th of a millimeter. Some people call it a “micron” as well.
2 points
2 days ago
Yep I wasn't disagreeing, but the image in the post is talking about accuracy so I just assumed it was talking about the instrument not the unit
5 points
3 days ago
It’s both. It’s an instrument AND a unit of measure. 1/10 of a meter is a decimeter. 1/100 of a meter is a centimeter. 1/1000 of a meter is a millimeter. 1/1,000,000 of a meter is a micrometer. And 1/1,000,000,000 of a meter is a nanometer. I could go on...
1 points
3 days ago
Pitch micrometers can go to hell. I am pretty sure no one calculates uncertainty correctly for those.
1 points
3 days ago
Pitch mics are great if you know how to set them and have an accurate standard for whatever thread pitch you're measuring. If I don't have a go/no go gauge I prefer them over the 3 wire method for checking threads
1 points
3 days ago
Yeah, because it's a small measurement. Smaller units tend to be more precise, that's the name of the game.
Sure you can measure something quite large to high levels of accuracy too, but that doesn't make this comeback good.
3 points
3 days ago
Micrometer is the generally accepted word for the measuring instrument. We call Micro-meters Microns.
3 points
3 days ago
That's kinda missleading. Why not call it screw gauge?
4 points
3 days ago
Annoyingly, IEEE standard is micrometer.
https://ieeeauthorcenter.ieee.org/wp-content/uploads/IEEE-Editorial-Style-Manual.pdf
Most other scientific standards I can think of use micron.
4 points
3 days ago
Wikipedia says that micrometre is the official SI name for a millionth of a metre, and not a micron. From the article it kinda sounds like we only use micron because we have a tool called a micrometer and don't want to get confused.
1 points
3 days ago
It's because the measure was called micron for 100 years and only changed to micrometer in the late 60s. The entire boomer generation grew up with it one way and change is slow.
1 points
3 days ago
Who is "we"?
6 points
3 days ago
American machinists and engineers, or at least the majority I have worked with
3 points
3 days ago
Cool, good to know!
3 points
3 days ago
Man, you're lucky. All the engineers I work with are still using thousandths of an inch as their small unit of measure. Makes me sad because we are a major measurement device supplier to labs worldwide.
3 points
3 days ago
Oh, 95% of the time inch is used in whatever unit. The only time anything is done in metric is when the customer sends a metric print. I still convert it anyway though, all my mics are standard.
1 points
3 days ago
They are confused about micrometers? Just wait until they hear about mils...
1 points
3 days ago
This part I made with my mill seemed to be a couple of mils out of spec, so I checked with my micrometer, and it was only a couple micrometers out!
3 points
3 days ago
Thanks for posting what I came to say. Micrometer is the American spelling of μm.
I wouldn't call this a comeback at all. This is some middle school level shit.
15 points
3 days ago
I mean, most micrometers measure small stuff. Under four inches typically.
34 points
3 days ago
Lol, where did you pull “under 4inches typically” from? Your own experience? Because we use mics from 0-30” every day.
Sorry, this whole thread is just bugging me, lol. I’m sure doctors fucking hate reading Reddit threads!
6 points
3 days ago
Facts, it’s infuriating. Which to be fair, I don’t use them on the daily, but I’ve sold plenty of them over the years
8 points
3 days ago
Yup, I've been a machinist for damn near 20 years and this thread is annoying the crap out of me.
"The bigger the size the less accurate you need to be!"
Fucking what? I'll tell my boss that the next time I have a 22" diameter called out as +/-.001
Or like the comment you replied to, I have 35"-36" mics that aren't used daily but are used regularly
4 points
3 days ago
Any time something machinist related makes the front page, the comments about give me an aneurysm.
6 points
3 days ago
Usually I like seeing machinist related stuff but I get frustrated when someone who has never set foot in a shop tells me I don't know what I'm talking about or flat out is spreading bad info
2 points
3 days ago
Sounds like a bunch of enginerds to me
2 points
3 days ago
Lol everyone hates reading a bunch of threads of stupid people pretending to be smart.
5 points
3 days ago
Many boxed sets have them up to 12inch/1foot.
We had a couple of 0-12inch sets at the shop I used to work at and they all got used regularly.
3 points
3 days ago
Ah. The classics are always the best.
2 points
3 days ago
Lmao he got him the fuck outta there
2 points
3 days ago
How do I delete someone else's comment?
2 points
3 days ago
Fuck you, [deleted], your mom ugly cried because she left the lens cap on last night.
3 points
3 days ago
Fuck you Shoresy
3 points
3 days ago
Fuck you QuestoPresto. Your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium, you fucking titfucker.
2 points
23 hours ago
Fuck you Shoresy
2 points
3 days ago
So he likes his women with bags on their head?
2 points
3 days ago
Finally a worthy r/MurderedByWords post and it’s not even posted there
2 points
3 days ago
.r/MurderedByWords is a political subreddit these days
Edit: this one aswell lmfao
2 points
3 days ago
That guy had a family
2 points
3 days ago
I feel like this belongs to r/MurderedByWords
2 points
3 days ago
Have you ever seen one of those videos where there are two kids fighting and one kid goes to punch another kid? And the the other kid dodges out of the way and the first kid slams headfirst into a pole or a wall or something? Yeah. This is what that is except permanent brain damage is the equivalent of permanent self esteem damage
2 points
2 days ago
Holy shit his grandma felt that one
2 points
2 days ago
A great clever comeback
2 points
2 days ago
Oh fuck hahaha!
My actual out loud response when I read this at midnight, alone in house
2 points
2 days ago
FINALLY! A post that actually fits on this sub! Well done sir or madam!
5 points
3 days ago
Mom jokes will never get old, I'm 32 years old and I still yell "ohhhhhhh" like I'm in 4th grade
4 points
3 days ago
[deleted]
2 points
3 days ago
Some people are growers not showers.
My penis looks pretty small if I'm not aroused.
1 points
3 days ago
It also takes a jab at their mother's atractiveness and transition is smooth.
1 points
3 days ago
Btw I think it is scripted as hell
2 points
3 days ago
Meh 🤷♂️
3 points
3 days ago
good grief this sub is shit
8 points
3 days ago
It's a picture of a post from 165 days ago. The guy who deleted his account had 400+ upvotes from the comment. He didn't delete his account because of this comment, it was deleted for some other reason. How is a bad your mom joke and a fake story about the guy deleting his account front page / gilded material? YOUR MOMS UGLY HAHA SO CLEVER!
2 points
3 days ago
I found the person from the poorly censored username and it says the post is 1.8 years old. The reply to it is perfect.
2 points
3 days ago
He replied after 165 days
2 points
3 days ago
THIS is what this sub needs. Not twitter conservative number 52 being called an idiot. Jesus what a fucking putdown.
2 points
3 days ago
And even this is lukewarm let alone a burn. We need a holocaust for redditors.
2 points
3 days ago
I actually liked this one. It extended the joke the first comment made and turned it around. Pretty clever.
1 points
3 days ago
[deleted]
1 points
3 days ago
I see my mistake
1 points
3 days ago
He’s coming back tomorrow
1 points
3 days ago
I have a micrometer right in front of me and it measures down to .0001 of an inch. It's a good burn but micrometers can messure small things
1 points
3 days ago
Fuck you Shoresy!
1 points
3 days ago
it's big burn time
1 points
3 days ago
BOOM!
1 points
3 days ago
Beautiful.
1 points
3 days ago
So clever they can't use punctuation or spell correctly.
1 points
3 days ago
The savagery
1 points
3 days ago
Fuck you Shoresy!
1 points
3 days ago
You mom
1 points
3 days ago
I didn’t know Reddit could show images of people dying.
1 points
3 days ago
Damn he threw away a month of gold!!
1 points
3 days ago
That has layers!
1 points
3 days ago
REKT
1 points
3 days ago
F
1 points
3 days ago
THAT MAN HAS A FAMILY!
1 points
3 days ago
jesus
1 points
3 days ago
Yeah, not sure what he’s on about. You can measure your dick in metres if you like, it just doesn’t sound impressive
1 points
3 days ago
So hard you could actually faintly see it.
1 points
3 days ago
F
1 points
3 days ago
He knows it’s canon)
1 points
3 days ago
this is what happens when a karma farmer gets off to a bad start
great reply, surely would attract them low hanging fruit upvotes to build that base, but not prepared for the reply that doesn't just "ackchually" it but delivers a similar quality burn right back
all 463 comments
sorted by: best